It Is You I Have Loved
by Dee Kayne
Summary: A tragic accident was all it took to make Spock realize the truth... he loved James T. Kirk. Now revised.


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek (2009); if I did, I wouldn`t be a poor student. I`m merely borrowing the characters to mess with. Especially Kirk and Spock.

Author`s Note: This is a re-edited version of the original _It Is You (I Have Loved)_; I`ve been on a major re-editing kick with my stories. Updating and re-doing certain things. Hopefully you will enjoy this version better.

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It Is You (I Have Loved)

It should have been a simple away-mission; beam down to the planet, take some samples for the Science Division and then beam back to the _Enterprise_. It sounded simple enough but when did anything ever sound simple with James T. Kirk? The man defined chaos and unpredicability?

Commander Spock sat beside the bed of the critically injured Captain; Spock had never seen a Human looking as pale as the Captain did. Spock stared at that pale and bruised face of his Captain; it seemed so wrong to see a man that was so energetic and vibrant laying so still. His chest was heavily bandaged and free from any garment that could hinder Doctor Leonard McCoy, the Chief Medical Officer, and his staff if anything were to go wrong and they needed to attend him quickly. A breating tube was helping the Captain breath while various other machines moniotored his heart, breathing and brain. Spock's thoughts travelled back to how the Captain came to be this way.

* * *

Captain James T. Kirk, or better known as Jim, sat in his chair staring at the planet on the viewscreen. He listened with half-an-ear as his Chief Helsman, Lt. Hikaru Sulu, called out that the USS _Enterprise_ had now entered stationary orbit around the planet. There was something deep in Jim's gut, screaming at him not to go down to the planet and get the hell away; Jim gave him a mental shake. He turned to his Chief Navigator, Ensign Pavel Chekov, who was looking at him from over his shoulder. Beside Jim, Chekov was the youngest member of this crew and it was often apparent in his wide-eyed stare that full of innocence.

"Ready to go, Chekov?" Jim asked, receiving a bright smile. Jim noted the half-glare from Sulu and gave a mental laugh; Sulu was totally infatuated with the hyperactive Russian Ensign. Not that Jim could blame him; there was something lovable about Chekov but he wasn't Jim's type. Jim felt more platonic love then anything else. "You have the conn, Mr. Spock".

Jim's Vulcan First Officer nodded as he got up from his chair and lead Chekov out of the bridge; as the youngest aboard (even if one was the commanding officer), Jim and Chekov had become rather good friends. Jim looked at the excitable Russian who seemed to be bouncing after him like an excitable puppy; Jim's look was full of big brother exasperation and overprotectiveness.

"You did that on purpose" Chekov commented, his thick Russian accent coloring his words. Jim looked at the head-shorter Ensign, who was looking up at him; there seemed to be something amused yet disapproving in the seventeen-year-old's stare.

"Did what on purpose, Chekov?" Jim replied, smiling; he knew full well what he did. Chekov rolled his eyes and looked up at Jim.

"Do not try and play coy with me, Keptin, we Russians invented coyness" Chekov said, "you were purposely taunting Hikaru". Jim stopped and gave a mock look of horror at Chekov.

"Do you think I would be as bold to do something like that?" Jim said, ignoring Chekov's look. The two stepped out of the lift and headed into transporter room; Chekov grumbled under his breath in Russian. "I can _hear _you… and _understand_ you".

Chekov blushed and looked at older man with a sheepish look; he had forgotten that Jim was fluent in Russian due to his mother dating a Russian for much of Jim's childhood; it made Chekov very happy that he could converse in his native tongue to the Captain, who could answer back. Chekov had to bit his lip from laughing as he recalled the time that he had accidently reverted back to Russian on the bridge; Lt. Nyota Uhura, the Chief Communications Officer, had made to translate when Jim answered Chekov back in Russian. The shock that swept through the bridge had Chekov hunched over his controls, attempting to halt his laughter while Jim looked innocently at Uhura, who was staring at him.

Chekov nodded at the other two crewmen that would be accompanying them as they entered. Lt. Markolm was of the Science Division and would be the one taking up the samples while Crewman Gibbons was apart of Security. Jim smiled, greeted them and asked how they were. Chekov smiled at his Captain; the man knew how to make a crew loyal without even knowing it. The quartet stepped onto the Transporter. "Everyone ready?"

"Aye, Sir" the three subordinates chorused. Jim turned to Chief Engineer, Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery Scott. "Energize, Mr. Scott". The Scotsman saluted and the quartet disappeared in a flash of light.

_________________________

Jim looked around the beautifully serene planet; Chekov was busily scanning around with his tricorder. The young Ensign was going to be aiding Markolm on gaining the samples that the Science Division wanted. Gibbons stood near Jim (no doubt under orders from Spock) while Markolm was near some fauna, taking some samples.

"Well, this is sure like Earth" Jim said, "Chekov… Markolm, Gibbons and I are going to check out that odd reading. Stay in Comm range".

"Aye, Sir" the two chorused. Jim turned to his security officer.

"Let's go, Gibbons" Jim said, "I want to see where that abnormal reading that interested Mr. Spock so much". Gibbons nodded and followed behind him as they moved out of the clearing. Jim was following reading he was taking from his tricorder; the reading kept spiking with high concentrations of xyclene ions. Which was no doubt the source of Spock's curiousity. Jim and Gibbons came to a halt at the site of a large oval metal that seemed to be apart of the ground; he frowned at the appearance of it. Jim focused his tricorder at it and began to take readings. The metal had an obsence level of xyclene ions. This was the definite source of the abnormal readings.

"If you don't mind me saying so, Sir… but this thing is giving me the creeps" Gibbons said, eyeing the metal.

"I echo that sentiment, Gibbons" Jim said, studying the tricorder. The two looked up as Chekov and Markolm appeared; the science officer noticed the large metal oval. "Is that the source of the abnormal readings, Captain?"

"Seems so" Jim said, "Markolm, could you finished the readings". Jim handed over his tricorder as his communicator beeped; the science officer nodded and took up Jim's place for the readings. "Kirk here".

"_Captain? We are receiving readings of enormous amounts of xyclene ions along with kylon particles_".

"Kylon particles? Can you tell from where?" Jim asked, turning his back on his three subordinates. Chekov looked at the Captain at his mention of Kylon particles.

"_The source seems to be coming from where you are located, Captain_". Jim froze; he whirled around just in time to see the metal bubble. He dropped the communicator while Markolm and Gibbons had their phaswers trained on it. Jim reached out and pulled Chekov back; he could heard Spock's commans to answer but when metal tenatcles came soaring at them, Jim had little attention to answer. He shoved Chekov one way and dodged the other; Markolm following the direction of Chekov and diving into a bush. Gibbons got sent flying backwards, crunching into a tree; Jim covered his head as trees above him were destroyed.

"Keptin!" came a frightened scream.

Jim's head snapped up to see Chekov being pulled toward the metal; Markolm was attempting to rescue the Ensign, but was being dragged along with him. Jim grabbed Markolm's fallen phaser and fired; a high-pitched shriek was emited and Chekov scrambled away. Then it happened; tentacle seemed to retract before flying out at dizzying speeds; Markolm grunted as a tentacle stabbed him in the leg. Chekov was clipped in the side and fell onto the grass; he clutched his side. He looked up to see two tentacles come flying at him; he clenched his eyes shut but the blow never came. Chekov looked up to see Jim standing in front of him, two tentacles piercing through his body. He didn't surpress the scream.

* * *

Cmdr. Spock did not like the idea of his Commanding Officer heading down to the planet without him. He sat at his station, viewing over the readings of the planet; he raised an eyebrow when he noticed the rise in xyclene ions and the added kylon particles. He reached forward on his station, pressing a button which would connect him to the Captain's communicator.

"_Kirk here_" the Captain's voice filled the silence of the bridge.

" Captain? We are receiving readings of enormous amongs of xyclene ions along with kylon particles" Spock reported.

"_Kylon particles? Can you tell from where?_" Jim's voice was confused. Spock pushed several buttons.

"The source seems to be coming from where you are located, Captain" Spock answered. The sound of a thud caused several bridge officers to look up. "Captain, do you read? Captain, come in!"

"_Keptin!_"

That was Chekov's voice, full of fear and terror. Spock spared a glance at Sulu, who was staring at Spock's station, eyes wide. Suddenly, a screeching alarm echoed throughout the bridge; all bridge officers turned to the main viewscreen where the Vaptain's monitoring systems were displayed. It was screaming red; that meant that the Captain was critically injured. A sound of screaming burst over the comm.

"_Sweet Jesus! Captain!_"

That was Makolm; Spock recognized the voice. "_Gibbons! Gibbons!_" Markolm's usually calm voice was frantic. "_Markolm to _Enterprise_! Beam us up! Beam us up!_" Markolm was all but screaming. "_Requesting immediate medical attention! All party members injured! Two patients critical!_"

Spock snapped the intercoms on. "Mr. Scott! Emergency Beam-up!"

"_Aye, Sir!_"

"Dr. McCoy! Medical Emergency… Transporter Room 3! Two critical patients".

"_Two Emergency Response Teams are on their way!_"

"Lt. Sulu, the conn is yours!" Spock was out of the Bridge before anyone could say anything.

____________________

Dr. Leonard McCoywas a lot of things; a hard-ass, sarcastic SOB and so much more. McCoy never denied any of it; he was sarcastic and a hard-ass. But no one ever accused McCoy of being heartless; and that was proven when McCoy saw the limp bleeding form of his best friend laying motionless on the Transporter. McCoy snapped out orders as Jim was hoisted off the Transporter pad and onto a stretcher; medical personnel that wasn't tending to Chekov, Markolm or Gibbons had swarmed around the prone form of the Captain.

He was immediately intubated as the medical personnel was attempting to get a stem on the blood and on Jim's injuries.

"Doctor! He's loosing too much blood!" Nurse Chapel said.

"Heart rate is dropping! BP is dropping, 70 over 50…. Now 65 over 45!" Nurse Fallows called.

"We've got a punctured left lung!" Medic Swanson reported.

"Damnit! Punctured Aorta!" McCoy swore, "Jefferson! Alert Sickbay to have OR 8 prep immediately!" Medic Jefferson nodded; he turned to his staff. "Nurse Chapel, get that bleeding staunched… Nurse Fallows, keep any eye on that BP…. Swanson, keep him breathing". McCoy looked over at the other; Chekov was able to walk while Markolm needed to be aided along. Gibbons was being attended to by McCoy's second, Doctor Hawkins. "Move people!"

Spock followed after them as the Emergency Respons Teams raced from the Transporter room heading toward Sickbay; Spock watched as Chekov and Markolm broke off. The half-Vulcan came to a halt as McCoy entered Operation Room 8 and he could go no further; he would have to trust in McCoy.

* * *

It was exactly ten hours after the Captain was rushed into Operation Room 8. Waiting for him as McCoy stepped out of the room was Spock, Uhura, Sulu, Scotty and Chekov; the young Navigator was seated in a wheelchair with Sulu's hands resting on his shoulder. The kid looked pale, like he was ready to pass out.

"You cleared, kid?" McCoy asked, gruffily.

Chekov nodded.

"How's the Cap'n?" Scotty asked. McCoy sighed and rubbed a tired hand through his hair.

"Doctor?" Spock asked.

"We've repair his punctured Aorta and lung… he's stable but still very critical" McCoy said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It could go either way".

"What do you mean, Doctor?" Uhura inquired. McCoy looked at each member of the Senior staff and rubbed at his neck while trying to think about how to tell them.

"Jim's aorta, the massive vein that flows blood into the heart, was punctured" McCoy explained, "with each beat of his heart, he pumped out blood. As a result, his heart, started to slow down as blood pressure was dropped; he coded twice on the table".

"But he will be okay? Won't he?" Chekov asked.

"I don't know" McCoy said, helplessly. "This type of injury is far beyond what a Ship's doctor can take of… Jim needs a cardiac surgeon".

"We've already contacted Starfleet… we are on route to Earth, maximum warp" Spock said, "a host of surgeons are standing by". McCoy nodded and looked up as the Operation Room door opened again, this time with Medics and Nurses pushing out the bed containing Jim; he was far too pale with a tube down his throat and hooked up to god knows how many machines. Chekov uttered a sentence in Russian before McCoy waved for Sulu to get him out of here; Sulu pushed the wheelchair back toward Chekov's recovery room. Slowly the Command crew went their separate ways, leaving only Spock and McCoy behind.

"May I see the Captain once he is settled?" Spock asked.

McCoy nodded.

* * *

And here he was; Spock sat beside the Captain's beside just as McCoy had promised. Spock stared at that too pale face and knew in the deepest part of him, where he had locked his emotions too, that Jim was the one place that made him feel like he was home. Jim never tried to force him to be either Vulcan or Human, nor did he see him as either species did; too Vulcan to be Human and too Human to be Vulcan. Jim saw him as Spock, his friend.

But, Spock craved more; he wanted more. He didn't know why but he knew that he was only ever going to love James T. Kirk; and Spock hated the fact that it had nearly taken Jim's death to force him to realize it. The half-Vulcan stood and, gently, leaned over; his forehead resting against Jim's shoulder. A hand clasped tight in his.

"I've searched for you so long" he whispered, "the one place where I could truly belong. A home where I would forever belong… Jim, please, do not leave me like this. Do not go where I can not follow… stany with me, My _T'hy'la_. I understand now what I failed to before… it is you. It has always been you… the one that I love". Spock pulled back staring down at the face; he leaned in gently, placing a kiss on Jim's cheek. "Come back". He gave Jim another kiss, this one on the forehead and straightened; he made to leave but a weak grasp on his hand, stopped him; he looked down. Down into Jim's half-opened blue eyes.

END

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Author's Note II: And that was the revised _It Is You (I Have Loved)_... any better? Worse? Review and let me know!


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